Breeding a White Chocobo
by Green-eyed Blue Cat
Summary: We know that white chocobos are just a rumor. So what happens when some people wants to breed one? And what if those people are the Turks? Please read and review. CHAPTER 8 UP
1. It's Easy to Trick the Turks

EDITED

Author's note: I added a few descriptions to the Turks' way of living. If you've read this before, you can skip this chapter. The descriptions only serve to give a more in-depth explanation. I'm not very good at describing backgrounds or character developments, my vocabulary is very…what's the word…shallow. Is that the right word I'm looking for? It can't be helped because English is not my mother tongue. But I will try my best to give my dear readers a good story. Thanks sxith-mon for the advice. This story will not go down the drain, I promise. Oh, the title? I've actually thought for two weeks before deciding on this title. I don't see the problem, so I'm not going to change it.

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Disclaimer: Squaresoft owns everything…damn…

**Breeding a White Chocobo**

Chapter 1: It's Easy to Trick the Turks

            Two years after the defeat of Sephiroth and Weapons, the world had changed dramatically. No longer was Mako energy in use because Shinra Inc. had been shut down for good. But luckily Reeves founded a new energy company that didn't use Mako as fuel, so the people in the world had been spared from an energy crisis.

            Midgar stood silently, a run down city that was a mockery to its former glory. Even the upper plate that once was a much sought after dream of people around the world laid in dire state of crumbling into bits. 

            Things had been worse for the Turks. With no more Shinra Inc., none of the trio could get a secure job because they had no other skills than kidnapping, extortion, murdering and such, the Turks could only manage to stay alive by doing odd jobs as jack-of-all-trades. Kinda reminded you of someone, didn't it? How ironic. First they were the successful ones, now that somebody was having the time of his life with a wife and having tons of gil. Why would monsters carry so much gil when they don't even know how to use it? With hardly any money in their pockets, the three Turks had to share their money on the rent of a small apartment with only a living room, a kitchen and a restroom. Munching on near-expired bread bought cheap from a nearby bakery and sleeping on worn-out sofas, the Turks vowed to find themselves a job that could make them filthy rich and enable them to live on booze all day. Staying sober for two full years had made them desperate for instant billionaires formulae.

            Even though the Turks are but a thing of the past, Reno, Rude and Elena had stayed together ever since the shutting of Shinra Inc. Retaining what they called the 'spirit of the Turks', they had stubbornly refused to take off their blue uniform, once a status emblem for the Turks. They wouldn't have changed into other clothes even if they wanted to, for money was tight and not one cent could be spared to have a little fun.

"Hey guys! Guess what?" yelled Reno as he barged into their apartment, waving an envelope in his hand and smiling from ear to ear.

            Exhausted from their last job, Rude and Elena pretended not to notice Reno as they continued slumping on the sofas. Reno thought they were dead, but let out a sigh of relief when he saw faint movements of their chests as they breathed. Continuing with his excitement, he walked towards them and showed them the contents of the envelope. A piece of paper with words written on it. Cool. No, wait, was that a huge deck of gil hiding behind the paper?!

            The two Turks quickly sprang up and snatched at the envelope, their eyes lighting up at the sight of money. All their fatigue had melted away at the wondrous pile of gil. "Reno, did you rob a bank?" Rude asked, eyes still on the money as Elena counted them. Two million gil in total.

            Reno allowed himself the luxury of basking in glory for a moment. He walked macho-style towards the couch, sat down and propped his legs on the coffee table. "I got us a job that will make us gizillionaires."

            "Huh?" Rude and Elena stared at him.

            "A blue cat with green eyes offered me a job for a gizillion gil. All we have to do is to breed her a white chocobo according to the method she wrote in the piece of paper. Or we can even make a nizillion gil if we can breed a rainbow chocobo. I already signed the contract. She gave us the two million gil in advance 'cause I said we're broke."

            The other two Turks pondered for a while. "Reno," Rude started, "what did the contract say?"

            "Like I said just now, a gizillion gil for a white chocobo and a nizillion gil for a rainbow chocobo in a year. Oh, it said something about us giving her a billion gil if all that doesn't work out, but that's not important."

            "WHAT?!" Elena jumped up from her sofa. "Reno, you've been tricked! There're no such words as gizillion or nizillion, and white and rainbow chocobos are just rumors, we don't really know if they exists! It's a scam to either get herself a chocobo or a billion gil!"

            Reno's mouth dropped open. The two million worth of gil on the table had distracted him when he was reading the contract. He hadn't really thought it through when he dropped his signature on the paper. "Damn, man! I never should have trusted cats, they're just big, fat liars!"

            Somewhere, Reeve sneezed.

            "Well, we really have no choice now," remarked Rude, "we have to get her a white chocobo. A rainbow chocobo just sounds too far-fetched. We just might succeed in being the first to breed white chocobos."

            "Yeah, maybe we can even make her change her mind and pay us REAL money," said Elena.

            "The paper said we should get two gold chocobos first. Do the two of you know how to raise chocobos?" Reno couldn't help but ask. 

            "Not really…" answered Elena. Rude shook his head.

            "Looks like we have to visit the chocobo farm then," Reno said. "And thanks for helping me out, guys."

            "Hey, we're the Turks, we stay together thick or thin," Elena said with a smile.

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Author's note: I really like the Turks, they're just soo cool! When fighting them, I even try to take my time because I want to study them ^__^ That scammer I mentioned in the story is really me, if you haven't figured it out. However, I'll only appear in the first and last chapter in a veeery minor role. Not worth mentioning anyway…*sweat drops*. I will update next week. Please tell me how you think of this, even if it's short ^__^ Thank you! 


	2. Ack! Chocobos, Everywhere!

Disclaimer: Squaresoft owns everything…damn…

Chapter 2: Ack! Chocobos, Everywhere!

            The Turks didn't take long to prepare for the trip. As soon as the sun rose the next day, they set out for the chocobo farm farther south of Midgar.

            Reno was assigned to carry the luggage. All of their luggage, in fact. The other two Turks walked in front as Reno struggled to catch up. "Huff, puff…Hey guys…I thought…huff, puff…we're in this…together…thick…huff, puff…or thin…"

            "Don't act so weak, Reno! You're the one that got us into this mess," snapped Elena. Reno, almost out of breath, decided to shut his mouth up the rest of the journey, and instead opted to cursing them in his mind. And to think he was the senior of Elena a few years ago. He found it hard that Elena got to boss him around like that.

            After walking for two days and seeing nothing but mountains and grasses, Reno was the happiest one of the lot when they finally reached the chocobo farm. However, they did not see any chocobos outside of the ranch. Deciding they must be inside the stables, they went straight into it. 

            The trio got the shock of their lives when all of the stables were also empty. Reno was especially frustrated because he had worked so hard to drag their luggage over only to find nothing.

"Hey, where are all the chocobos?" Reno cried out. 

Only two persons were in the stables, a teenage boy and a teenage girl. The farm boy approached the trio with a huge grin on his face, ready to get some business.

            "Hi, I'm Choco Billy. You old folks are out of luck." Elena almost threw a fist at him for calling them 'old folks' but was stopped by Rude. "We've rented out all of our chocobos, but you can try catching one yourselves." Casting a long look at them, Choco Billy took out a huge book with a cartoon drawing of a singing chocobo on the front from the large pocket on his overalls and continued, "Judging by your looks, you must be them freshies. You're gonna need my book here, 'The Ultimate Guide on How to Catch and Raise Chocobos: Freshies Version'. Only 1000 gil."

            "Anything on white chocobos and gold chocobos?" Reno stared at the book, half-wishing he would say 'yes'.

            "Are you kidding? No one knows how to breed a white chocobo, and I'm only planning on adding the ultimate guide to raising gold chocobos in the 'Expert Version' - which will be out in June next year for only 2500 gils - but I haven't asked my sister, Chole, over there for the methods yet. For the time being, you folks havta ask her for it," Choco Billy pointed towards the teenage girl at the far end of the stables.

            Reno looked at the said girl and whistled. "Rude, how's my hair?" he asked as he tried to tidy up his unruly hair.

            "As sloppy as ever. You're not thinking of hitting on her, are you?"

            Reno made a face. "'Course not!" 

            The trio approached Chole, who was busy cleaning a stable. Reno was the first to talk.

            "Hi Chole. I'm Reno," he said, trying his best to look smart. 

            Chole put down her work. "Hi, how can I help you?"

            Elena shoved Reno out of her way, "We want to know how to raise gold chocobos." 

            Glad to be of help, Chole told the trio everything she knew. "The national hero, Cloud Strife told me this. He has the most beautiful gold chocobo. In fact, he has every known species of chocobos in his very own ranch!" she added.

            "Gee, you know so much about chocobos, what do you say we go out for dinner and you tell me more," Reno smiled his best smile. Rude arched his eyebrow while Elena kicked Reno's shin.

            Chole giggled. "Why don't you try catching a chocobo in the plains just outside of our ranch? It'll be good practice. You should ask for my brother's help and buy some greens."

            Reno whispered the word 'booze' into Rude's ears. Rude's eyebrows arched upwards, and answered, "We're professionals, we can kill the monsters in one go."

            *                      *                      *                      *                      *                      *                      *                      *

            "EEEEEEEKKK!!" Elena screamed as the huge bird attacked her and everyone else before running away squawking like mad.

            "Elena! You're not supposed to attack the chocobo!" Rude yelled out.

            "I forgot I had an 'All' materia linked with my 'Ice' materia!" 

            "Stop arguing, you guys! Those two Elfadunk are still there you know?!" Reno snapped at them both.

            "And that kid said catching chocobos is easy…" Elena muttered under her breath.

            *                      *                      *                      *                      *                      *                      *                      *

After what seemed like hours trying to catch a chocobo, only to fail every time either because the chocobo grew impatient and ran away or because someone forgot that they were not supposed to hit the chocobo, the three Turks slumped down on the grass exhausted and panting like dogs. "This is stupid," Reno said after he had rested enough, "At this rate, we're not gonna get any chocobos, not to mention getting a white chocobo in a year."

            "Yeah, we have to get ourselves two gold chocobos in another way, like stealing from someone, which we're good at," Elena suggested.

            The trio continued lying on the grass for another few seconds. Suddenly, an idea popped into their heads at the same time.

            "CLOUD!"

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Author's note: Thank you all that reviewed the first chapter. There! The second chapter! What do you think so far? It's gonna get a bit adventurous from the next chapter on. Please review ^__^


	3. Can You Really Fly This Thing?

Disclaimer: Squaresoft owns everything…damn…

Chapter 3: Can You Really Fly this Thing?

            The three Turks discussed their plan as they rested in the chocobo farm at night.

            "According to Chole, Cloud now lives with Tifa in Costa del Sol and they have the chocobos we need, all S class. But first we need to find somewhere to raise our chocobos where Cloud can't reach us…" Elena pointed out. Everyone started to fall into a deep thought.

            "It's gotta be huge to accommodate all those chocobos…" Reno mused.

            "It would be best if we won't have to stay in one place all the time. Cloud's gonna have a pretty hard time locating us…" Elena continued.

            "The Highwind's huge and can fly," Rude remarked.

            Elena literally flung herself at Rude and gave him a bear hug, squeezing every inch of air from his lungs. "Rude, you're a genius! We're gonna steal the Highwind from Cid, I hear he's back in Rocket Town."

            "Alright! We start for Junon first thing in the morning then!" Reno slapped Rude's back in a friendly gesture.

            The trip to Junon had been uneventful, except for a few monsters blocking their way, nothing exciting pretty much happened. Killed a few Midgar Zoloms, got lost in Mythril Mines, but that was it. Hitching a cargo ship in Junon as stowaways, they sailed across the ocean to Costa del Sol.

            "Why can't we take a helicopter, or at least get on a cruise ship?" Elena grumbled as the three of them sat miserably surrounded by stacks of cargo. A mouse scuttled away hurriedly in a corner.

            "We're saving the money for booze at Turtle's Paradise," Reno flashed a cheesy grin. Rude could already taste the sweet cocktail in his mouth. Doing all that for the sake of booze was not a major problem for drunkards like Reno and Rude. Never staying sober again once they got the money is their fantasy for the time being.

            *                      *                      *                      *                      *                      *                      *                      *

            Yet another sunny weather when The Turks finally arrived at the harbor of Costa del Sol.

            "Man, still all those miles to reach Rocket Town," Elena groaned as she wiped away the sweat from her face. "We need to get rid of these blue blazers, it's too damn hot. Plus, we don't want Cloud knowing we're here."

            Reno's eyes locked on a white seaplane just beside the harbor. Signaling the other two Turks, they approached the plane. The owner was busy applying sun block on a hot babe on the wing of the plane nearer to the harbor.

            "Hey you," Reno called out to the owner menacingly, "give us the plane."

            The owner eyed the three strangers. "And what if I don't?"

            Reno smiled wickedly. In a flash, he swung his right leg towards the abdomen of the man. Caught by surprise, the man was kicked off from the wing and fell into the waters. The babe didn't need further notice to get off the plane and ran away as fast as she could.

            Reno turned towards his friends and smiled, this time beaming with pride. "How do you like that, huh? Who's da man?!"

            Elena placed her hands on her hips and tapped her foot, but obviously quite relieved that they wouldn't have to walk the long way after all.

            "Well aren't you glad I forced you to take up flying lessons back when we were still training, Rude," Reno said as he and Elena entered the plane. Rude said nothing but showed a faint smile and started the engine.

            A few minutes later they were soaring in the sky. Reno found a pair of binoculars and started fooling around with it. Elena spotted Cloud's villa and pointed it to him. Reno turned the binoculars towards where she was pointing, and started drooling.

            "That's one sexy chick! I didn't know you were in for babes too, Elena."

            Elena hit him hard on his head. Reno cried out in pain. "What was that for, $%#&!"

            "I was pointing to Cloud's villa! Did you see any chocobos?"

            "They're now flying in circles around my head, thanks to you," answered Reno, rubbing his head.

            Elena snatched over the binoculars. Spying through them, she saw those huge birds grazing at the ranch right behind Cloud's villa and let out an evil laugh. Reno decided to keep his distance from the psychopath for the time being.

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Author's note: Just so you know, the seaplane mentioned is not the same one in the game. I don't even know why I'm telling you this…ok, next chapter, the Turks will abduct the Highwind, muaahahhah! Don't forget your reviews ^__^


	4. Don't Mess with the Cussingmachine

Disclaimer: Squaresoft owns everything…damn…

Chapter 4: Don't Mess with the Cussing-machine

            The sun had already set by the time they reached the outskirts of Rocket Town. Not wanting to alert the sleeping town of their presence, they landed the plane a few miles away and approached the town quietly, heading straight for the Highwind. You couldn't really miss something that big.

            It was so easy, even The Turks couldn't believe it. Locating the Highwind to sneaking into it, all done in less than fifteen minutes. Clearly Cid thought nothing about security over precious belongings. The trio snickered. They half-wished they could stay to see Cid's face when he saw his Highwind gone the next day. 

            Of the three Turks, only Rude had been on the Highwind before. And that was a few years ago, when he accompanied President Rufus to the Northern Crater.

"Whoa man! I've seen this baby a few times already, but I didn't think it would be THIS big inside!" Reno gawked at all the space. Perfect for a wild party, with beer and women everywhere. Maybe with a little naughty stuff going on…

            "Reno…Reno…RENO!!!!" Elena yelled into Reno's ears.

            "WHAT?! Can't a man fantasize for a while?!" Reno snapped back.

            "We need your electro-mag rod to start the engine," Elena said impatiently.

            Reno blinked stupidly for a while, then finally understood. In a few minutes, the loud roaring of the engine could be heard. Too loud for their comfort actually.

            "We've gotta go fast, the sound's gonna wake up everyone, especially the cussing-machine," Rude commented.

            "Won't that be a sight, him cussing at us while we gloat at him," Reno remarked. "On second thought, I'm going out onto the deck to see it." 

            When Reno left the cockpit, Elena and Rude fumbled clumsily at the levers and buttons, panicking as they saw every house in the town lighting up, panicking even more as they saw that Cid's house had lighted up too. Fortunately, as Cid charged out of his house, they managed to push the right lever and sent Highwind soaring into the clouds.

            Elena and Rude let out a sigh of relief. They looked out the window and saw the townspeople scurrying about. Cid in particular was jumping up and down in anger. 

Reno entered the cockpit. "You wouldn't believe what that guy just said! He managed to blurt out a sentence of cusses that was a full minute long without taking in another breath!"

Elena looked out of the window, "Aww, he looks soooo cute jumping like that." 

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Author's note: Sorry this chapter was a little late! I'm still recovering from fever and cough :( Well, I am to blame, 'cause I didn't want to miss out on the holiday celebrations, so I kept dragging this beaten body of mine out everywhere (I live in the tropics, so there's no winter here.) Well, wish you all a Merry X'mas, late though it be.


	5. If you would just follow me, Mr Chocobo

Disclaimer: Squaresoft owns everything…damn…

Chapter 5: If you would just follow me, Mr Chocobo

            "Alright, Rude, next stop – Costa del Sol! Gotta reach there and get the birds before day breaks," said Elena.

            "Why are you suddenly the boss?" Reno arched his eyebrow.

            "'Cause you two are drunkards – wait – I can't believe I let Rude fly the plane and the Highwind! We could have crashed! That's it, I'm taking over!" Elena pushed Rude away from the panel and proceeded to fly them over to their next destination, much to Reno and Rude's resentment.

            "Great, now the whiny one's taking over," Reno whispered to Rude. 

            "Do you know how to pray?" Rude whispered back.

            "I sort of forgot after my nineteenth birthday when I found out about crack and booze. But don't worry, I'll start learning."

            *                      *                      *                      *                      *                      *                      *                      *

            The Highwind quietly touched down a few miles away from Costa del Sol. This time however they left their blazers on. The night was quite cool, plus they had another use for them.

            Finding the ranch was also easy. They had pinpointed the location of the ranch from above. It was merely a simple task of hiding away from the eyes of late-sleepers and most especially the eyes of Cloud and Tifa. Upon reaching the stables, they were relieved to find the chocobos sleeping peacefully. However, they had trouble making out the colors of the birds with the lack of light. After a short discussion, they decided to 'birdnap' every chocobo, just to be sure.  

            The trio took off their blazers and quietly placed them each over a bird's head. The birds were startled at first but did not cry out since their eyes were covered. Reno began to wonder if their brains were the size of peanuts. If so, what else made up the large bird head?

            Suddenly his head was twisted to his left violently. Almost crying out, he realized it was only Elena trying to get his attention. He was shocked when he saw Rude unbuttoning his shirt. He had read those cheap paperback romantic novels and knew all too well of hot, sweating man and woman doing stuff in stables, but he had never imagined to see his best friend ready to do it! Wait, something's missing…a female…the only female Reno saw in the stables was…NOOOOO!!!! Reno's eyes widened with shock as he stared at Elena.

            Catching what he was thinking, Elena slapped his head. She pointed to Rude again. Reno turned around, unsure of what to expect. Contrary to what he thought, he saw Rude covering a chocobo's head with his shirt. 

            Reno smiled sheepishly as he finally understood the situation. There were five birds in the stables, with only three blazers available, both Reno and Rude had to take off their shirts to add to the number. In time, Reno's shirt was also off and covering the head of another chocobo.

            Leading the chocobos out from the stables to the Highwind was pretty unnerving. Even under the cover of darkness, The Turks had to dart from corner to corner partly not wanting to be seen with Cloud's chocobos but mostly not wanting to be seen half-naked. However, Reno granted himself the luxury of fantasizing catcalls from the ladies and chuckled silently to himself.

            Finally all of the chocobos were brought into the hall outside of the cockpit. Disgusted, Elena removed her blazers from a chocobo that happened to be a river chocobo. The chocobo warked slightly as it looked around the place. Reno and Rude took off their clothing from the other chocobos as well. Soon the five birds – a gold chocobo, a black chocobo, a river chocobo, a mountain chocobo and a dashing chocobo - were happily exploring the unfamiliar terrain. Usually Cloud would only take them into the stable of the Highwind.

            "Dammit, they smell bad! I still don't see why we can't spend a few gil to buy cloth instead of using our uniforms. And why do we have to hold true to the spirit of the Turks? I wanna wear pretty dresses now and then, you know. Now they're going to smell like the birds until we wash them," Elena grumbled.

            "Stop complaining, you've brought our spare uniforms, haven't you?" Rude said.

"We're probably gonna end up smelling like them sooner or later," Reno sniffed at his shirt and stuck out his tongue.

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Author's note: I don't know about you guys, but this chapter is one of my favorites ^__^ A very huge thank you to all those who reviewed, thank you!! And happy new year also!


	6. Sex, sex, sex! For the birds

Disclaimer: Squaresoft owns everything…damn…

Chapter 6: Sex, Sex, Sex! For the birds…

            After getting their uniforms cleaned at the chocobo farm the next day, the Turks went into the stables where Choco Billy was checking on the gold chocobo.

"You know, this chocobo looks familiar…" Choco Billy said to The Turks when they entered the stables.

"No it doesn't! I thought we asked you to check on its gender?" Reno quickly changed the subject.

"This one's a cock," Choco Billy answered, eyes still on the chocobo, convinced that he had seen the chocobo before.

            "Which means we need to get a hen," Elena commented.

            "That's like, DUH!" Reno said aside. Unfortunately, Elena heard him and soon a catfight between them broke out.

            While they were fighting, Rude bought everything needed for chocobo-raising. He whistled at them both. "We're leaving."

            Elena reluctantly let go of Reno's hair while Reno let go of Elena's neck. Like children getting scolded by their father, they followed Rude back to the Highwind, sulking the whole while.

            Rude gave the Gysahl Greens to Reno and Elena. "Now feed them. And take care of that one," he pointed to the mountain chocobo which was busy pecking away at their luggage.

            "Hey, how come you're in charge now?" Elena voiced her frustration.

            "I'm cool with it, as long as you're not in charge," Reno smirked. Elena glared at him.

            Rude ignored the two and after everyone got enough rest, piloted Highwind towards Goblin Island. It took them quite a while to find the little island, but soon they were walking around in the forest and then finally met with a Goblin. The whole fight didn't last very long. Quick-fingered Elena succeeded in stealing a Zeio nut from the monster in the first try, and apart from a few punches received by Reno, everyone was unhurt.

            Getting back on the Highwind, Rude took out the 'The Ultimate Guide on How to Catch and Raise Chocobos: Freshies Version' and started reading on the breeding section.

            "Hey, when did you get this?" Reno looked at the book from over Rude's shoulder.

            "When you guys were busy fighting," Rude said without looking up.

            In a few minutes, Rude finished reading the whole section. 

            Finally getting to the part where Reno liked best, he skipped playfully towards Rude, "So, are we ready to mate them?"

            Rude nodded. Elena gave him the Zeio nut while Reno led the black chocobo and the dashing chocobo over. After feeding them the Zeio nut, Rude proceeded to mate them while Reno watch bug-eyed.

            "Alright guys, cross your fingers that we can get a hen tomorrow."

            *                      *                      *                      *                      *                      *                      *                      *

            "Ooh! Look at that cute little chick!" Elena exclaimed the next morning after seeing the newly born chicobo.

            "Let me check its sex," Rude said.

            Reno was tickling the chicobo. "Oh, it's a girl alright, look at how she likes me. Chicks dig me, you know! Get it? Chicks?" Reno winked. Suddenly the little chicobo bit his hand. Reno screamed with pain, tears welling up in his eyes. Elena laughed until she cried as well.

            After a thorough examination, the little chicobo was indeed a hen. "Yes, it's a girl! Well, it'll only take a few days to be sexually mature."

            "Man, is that book really this good? You're like an expert on chocobos now," Reno said.

Elena patted the chicobo's head gently, "They grow up so fast, sniff."

"Now that we've got two gold chocobos, what should we do next?" Rude asked.

            Reno retrieved the piece of paper from their luggage and read it. "It says here the two gold chocobos need to be of S class."

            "All of Cloud's chocobos are already at S class, which means we need only to race this one," Rude scratched behind the chicobo's ear.         

            "What should we name her?" Reno asked.

            "Cutesy!" Elena squealed out.

            Reno took a step back. "Are you serious?! That name's too mushy! She should be called 'Yuffie'. She reminds me of her, the long legs, and the biting."

            "Or 'Tifa'. She has long legs too, although she doesn't bite…" Rude added.

            Elena smacked her forehead. "Why not call her 'Tseng' instead? He has beautiful long legs too, and he ALSO bites."

            Reno and Rude's faces twisted with disgust. 

            "Urgh, unwanted mental images! All right, we get the picture. We'll go with 'Cutesy'," Rude said, although somewhat hostile towards the name.

            Elena beamed like a hundred-watt light bulb. 

            "I'm still calling her 'Yuffie'," Reno said, pouting.

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Author's note:…………Actually, I've got nothing to say. Well, you know what to do now ^__^ What? You don't? 

R-E-V-I-E-W~~Thanks a lot! Ooh, and Biddett da Pigeon Stalker, I LOVE mocking chocobos ^__^ bite me! Alright, just kidding!


	7. I'm a Wuss if I Can't Win with a Gold Ch...

Disclaimer: Squaresoft owns everything…damn…

Chapter 7: I'm a Wuss if I Can't Win with a Gold Chocobo

            Three days later, Cutesy was finally ready for the chocobo races. 

            "Only one of us can go to Gold Saucer, and in disguise. Don't want Cloud to find us that easily," Rude said. 

Reno stretched his body lazily, "Well, wish me luck at the tracks."

            "Hey, who says you're riding Cutesy? Of course you'll need moi to win the race," Elena fluttered her eyelids at Reno. "Plus, I finally can wear pretty clothes. You know, I've got that cowgirl outfit I'm dying to wear!"

            "I agree. Elena should ride Cutesy," Rude said.

            Reno was taken aback. "WHAT?! I thought you were my friend!"

            Rude pulled Reno aside and whispered into his ears, "If you're really my friend, then you won't leave me together with Elena. That's like hell."

            Reno pondered for a few seconds and turned towards Elena. "Alright, you can ride Yuffie. But only because of Rude."

            "Cutesy. And what did he say to you?" Elena frown, ready to beat the senses out of Rude if it didn't suit her liking.

            Rude gulped. "Does it matter? You finally get to ride her!"

            Forgetting what she was about to do seconds ago, Elena clapped her hands excitedly, "Yippee! I finally can wear that cowgirl outfit!"

"Anyway, I'm gonna drop you and Cutesyoff at North Corel. Then you're on your own. We're gonna hover over Mideel for the time being," Rude explained while putting the saddle and bridle onto Cutesy.

*                      *                      *                      *                      *                      *                      *                      *

In a few hours, Elena, wearing a blue shirt, brown pants, a matching brown cowboy hat and Rude's shades, together with Cutesy entered the Chocobo Square.

Elena was amazed to see the whole place bustling with people. She wandered around helplessly, hoping she could find someone to rescue her in the whole sea of people. Suddenly, someone tapped her shoulders. Turning around, she saw a strange woman dressed in pink smiling at her.

"Hi, I'm Ester, one of the chocobo managers here. I can't help but notice, is that a gold chocobo?"

Elena let out a sigh of relief. Finally, someone to help her. "Yup, ain't she a beauty?" 

"You know, all these years in this business, I've only seen one gold chocobo, and I don't think there are more. But looky here! Do you by any chance know Cloud Strife? I'd always thought that he's the only person that can breed gold chocobos. Guess I was wrong," Ester said with a smile.

Elena tugged at her collar and smiled nervously. "Um, so you're a chocobo manager, huh? Can you help me?"

Esther smiled broadly, "The best there is! C'mon, I'll fill you in."

*                      *                      *                      *                      *                      *                      *                      *

Reno and Rude had been sitting on the floor with their backs on the wall for hours. Finally, Reno broke the ice.

"You know, we could have a BBQ here, with lotsa sexy babes. The blue and green chocobos are no use to us, why don't we roast them over a fire?"

"You're a sick man, Reno."

Neither spoke for another few minutes. Reno itched for another conversation.

"Now that I think of it, this is the first time I've ever seen your eyes. They are kinda pretty, why do you keep hiding them behind shades?"

Rude rolled his eyes. He had never thought Reno could be just as annoying as Elena when sober. 

"I still don't understand why she couldn't just take your shades. You don't use them, they're always on your head," Rude commented.

"They keep my hair out of my eyes. Is your eye color…hazel?" Reno got closer to have a better look.

 Just then Rude's PHS rang. He also had never thought he could be so happy to hear his PHS ring.

"Hey guys, Elena here!"

Reno snatched the phone away from Rude, "How did my Yuffie do?"

"For the umpteenth time, Reno, it's _Cutesy_. Well, we got first place, three times. All thanks to Cutesy-wutesy and me!" 

Reno shuddered at the name.

"Anyway, Cutesy's at B class now. Just six more consecutive wins and she'll be at S class. Well, gotta go. I'm going out on a date with one of the top jockeys here called Joe Black to Wonder Square while Cutesy regains her stamina in the stables. Won't be back for a few more days!"

Elena hung up before the duo could say anything. Reno and Rude looked at each other.

"I'm serious, man, no more sunglasses for you," Reno said.

Rude hit his face on the wall.

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Author's note: Can't…breathe…Too much…homework…weighing….me down…Well, Chinese New Year is just around the corner, 22nd of January, I believe. I wish everyone one of you a Happy Chinese New Year ^__^ Now if you would just excuse me, my fluffy bed is calling my name…must get sleep…


	8. Guess Who's Coming for Dinner?

Disclaimer: Squaresoft owns everything…damn…

Chapter 8: Guess Who's Coming for Dinner?

            After five days of having the time of her life at Gold Saucer, Elena returned to the Highwind proudly as Cutesy was officially at S class. Reno and Rude, however, was furious.

            "Where the hell have you two been?! You said you were going to be back two days ago! And why didn't you answer our calls?!" Rude shouted angrily.

            "Yeah! We ran out of greens and now the chocobos are on a rampage! They're barging into everywhere!" Reno added.

            "Why didn't you go buy some?" Elena defended.

            "It takes a day's time to get to the farm and another to get back here, and you were still missing in action!" Rude yelled as he struggled to pull away the black chocobo which was trying to enter the cockpit.

            "Ok, I'm sorry! Can we go get the greens now?" Elena said.

            After an exhausting day of tug-and-war with the chocobos, the trio finally made it to the chocobo farm.

            "Elena's had her share of fun, it's my time to get off this thing! I'll go buy the greens," Reno waved his right arm enthusiastically in the air.

            "I don't care who's going, just go! And buy a Pram nut as well, they're ready to mate!" Rude exclaimed as he and Elena wrestled with the dashing chocobo.

            Reno whistled as he climbed down the rope ladder, glad to be spared of the hell in the airship for a while.

            *                      *                      *                      *                      *                      *                      *                      *

            "Then guess what President Shinra said? He said, 'Do I look fat in this suit?'" Reno said as he acted the scene out.

            Chole giggled. Just then Reno's PHS rang. Reno answered it in frustration, but the voice at the other end sounded even furious.

            "RENO!! What the hell are you doing?! You've been down there for three hours! Get your butt back here quick with those greens!" Elena screamed at the top of her lungs.

            Knowing how monstrous Elena can be if ignored, Reno hastily said goodbye to Chole and bought as much Gysahl Greens as he could and started running towards the Highwind. Suddenly, he stopped dead in his tracks when he saw three familiar figures climbing up the rope ladder and then disappeared into the airship.

            Reno blinked for a while, then knelt down and thanked Odin he wasn't on the airship. Standing up again, he steadily dialed Elena's number.

            The chocobos had gotten everywhere – the operation room, the stable, even the cockpit. Elena and Rude was busy pushing the mountain chocobo away from the control panel of the Highwind when her PHS rang. She answered it angrily, "WHAT NOW?!"

            "Hey Elena, I know you love the guessing game. Guess who just entered the Highwind? I'll give you a hint: you'd better run while you can," Reno said.

            "Reno! I don't have time to play your stupid games! The damn chocobos are trying to eat our luggage!" Elena was now seething in anger. She stomped her foot, but unfortunately she stepped on the chocobo's toes. Then all hell broke loose. The chocobo warked out in pain and went out of control. In the confusion, it bumped into the other chocobos, which created a chain reaction, with the chocobos bumping into other chocobos. Soon the whole place was filled with feathers flying and six gigantic birds bumping into everything, warking and squawking loudly. It was like a re-enactment of Weapons wrecking everything in sight.

            "$%^&! What the *&#$ have they done to my Highwind?!"

            "Goldie! Blackie! All the chocobos are here, Tifa!"

            Rude and Elena went cold at hearing that voice. Slowly turning around, who should they see standing at the entrance to the cockpit? Why, their nightmare, of course – Cloud, Tifa, and Cid. 

            The trio noticed Rude and Elena for the first time in the commotion. "The Turks?" Tifa almost couldn't believe her eyes. 

            Cloud pulled out his Ultima Weapon while Cid pulled out his Venus Gospel. Cid was practically all red from anger after seeing his beloved airship turned upside down.

            Scenes of their past defeat flashed before Rude and Elena's eyes. Back then the odds were even, but now it was obvious which team was the stronger one. Their brains worked quickly, trying to think of a way to escape, but none seemed plausible.

            "Hey Cloud! Long time no see!" Reno's voice called out from the deck.

            Cloud, Tifa and Cid turned towards the voice. In a split second, Rude and Elena dashed towards the entrance, bumping into Tifa on the way and making her twirl around in circles. Elena had time to turn around and blow them a kiss.

            The duo met up with Reno at the door leading to the deck. 

            "Thanks, Reno," Rude said, still running, now with Reno joining them.

            "Couldn't leave without you guys. We're in this together thick or thin, remember?" Reno said with a smile.

            Tifa clenched her fists while watching the Turks disappear from their sight. "Man, I hate it when they always bump into me!"

            "Should we go after them?" Cloud asked.

            "NO $%#& WAY!! We need to clean up this #&*@ mess this $%^# instant!" Cid exclaimed, clearly not happy with six chocobos running amok in his Highwind.

            "Right," Cloud said, then pointed at Cutesy, "Hey, is that a new one?"

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Author's note: ……………….Maybe I'll just keep quiet this time………………cause I don't have a damn idea what to say………I'll just be sitting over here……and keeping my fingers crossed………..cause I hope y'all like the story so far………cause the next chapter is the final chapter…………..writer's block……..can't blame me…….


	9. Someone's going to jail Guess who?

Disclaimer: Squaresoft owns everything…damn…

Chapter 9: Someone's going to jail. Guess who?

            Once again, the Turks were back at their apartment, moping the days away by slumping on the sofas all day long. The television was blaring away at some stupid commercial from Reeve's new electric company, but no one paid attention.

            "We were _this_ close to getting a white chocobo…" Reno held up his right hand and showed the distance from his index finger to his thumb, which was half an inch apart.

            "It's been only two weeks. We have fifty more weeks to get another white chocobo. Wanna try again?" Rude asked, but somehow lacking the enthusiasm from the first time.

            "I'm not doing it again, we lost our luggage and almost lost our lives back then," Elena answered lazily.

            "Mmm…Vodka, Tequila, Bloody Mary…" Reno mumbled slowly, drooling at the same time.

            "Reno's hallucinating, that's not a good sign," Rude commented.

            Just then the news came up. "The white chocobo, once only a rumor, has been found in the small village of Mideel on a small island south. The Planet's first and only white chocobo was bred by a teenager who has refused to be named. Further research is needed to determine whether the white chocobo is indeed, really a genuine white chocobo."

            Elena turned her head lazily towards the screen. "Now there's a white chocobo. I bet it was bleached white."

            Rude chuckled, "But still, it's a white chocobo. Ready to make plans and birdnap it?" 

"Onto our next story. A teenage girl who goes by the name Green-eyed Blue Cat is arrested this morning for trying to trick Yuffie Kisaragi, the daughter of Lord Godo of Wutai, into buying colored stones as materias at 100 gil each. Sources reported that she has also pulled other scams on several other people from every continent on the Planet. A verdict has been reached, and Green-eyed Blue Cat has been sentenced to a life imprisonment."

            The Turks propped themselves up from the sofas and stared intently at the television. A picture of Green-eyed Blue Cat appeared on the screen.

            "Is that…her, Reno?" Rude asked slowly.

            Reno responded by nodding his head slowly.

            None spoke as the television continued to broadcast the scammer being pushed into the police car, screaming and kicking all the while.

            "So…does this mean…we don't have to pay her a billion gil if we failed to produce a white chocobo for her?" Elena asked slowly.

            Reno and Rude nodded their heads slowly.

            "Wait, does this also mean we can keep the two million gil she gave us before?" Elena asked again, picking up pace in her speech.

            Reno and Rude nodded their heads, picking up pace as well.

            None spoke for another few minutes.

            "So, anyone wanna move to Wutai and get drunk at Turtle's Paradise everyday?" Reno asked with a big grin.

THE END

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Author's note: Big hugs for every dearest readers! Darn that Yuffie, why'd she had to use the materias on spot? Jail food sucks! I hope you're happy with the ending. And while you're here, why don't you take a look at my other fanfics? Thank you all! ,,,^..^,,,


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